My 5 Wishes For WrestleMania Weekend

It’s the most exciting time of the year for wrestling fans – the road to WrestleMania!

As we learn each week what other matches, returns and WWE Hall of Fame inductees to expect over the magical weekend, it’s inevitable that some of our hopes and dreams will be dashed. Vince McMahon can’t please everyone, but I’m hoping he’ll please me. If Will Smith popped out of the lamp, these are the five wishes I’d ask from my favorite genie.

Give Scott Steiner the fattest check imaginable for the WWE Hall of Fame.

In recent years, Big Poppa Pump has made it clear that in order for him to work with WWE, the dollar figure must be to his liking. And if you’re using Steiner Math, that means more zeroes than on Samoa Joe’s scale. While we’d prefer that speeches avoid running over 20 minutes (looking at you, Hillbilly Jim), if an acceptance speech does need to be lengthy, Scott Steiner is the only person that could keep us hanging on every word. He’s obviously deserving of the honor, and if it’s a one-time payoff, Freakzilla may lay down a pipe bomb of his own.

Kofi Kingston wins the WWE Championship.

The time is right, the opponent is right and it’s about damn time. While Daniel Bryan seemingly hates everybody in the WWE Universe, Kofi Kingston is a man of the people. Perhaps The New Day will throw him a pancake parade in Times Square.

Batista returns to action.

As of last Monday, this wish seems like it’s coming true. Despite the rumor and innuendo regarding Batista possibly signing with AEW, we saw last week on Raw that The Animal is hellbent on facing Triple H at WrestleMania 35. Here’s to a proper return that hopefully won’t get dashed by the creative team’s ignorance and will lead to one last run for the Hollywood star. It will hopefully get the bad taste out of everybody’s mouth from his return in 2014.

Induct Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith into the WWE Hall of Fame.

Too much time has passed and too many lesser deserving wrestlers have hopped over Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith for the WWE Hall of Fame. But the memories haven’t faded – they’ve only grown stronger. Now that the NXT UK division is up and running, the timing couldn’t be any more perfect to induct one of the best tag teams of the 1990s. Of course, I’m not suggesting they go in as a package deal. Both men belong in the hall for their own work: Owen as a former King of the Ring, Intercontinental and Tag Team Champion whose feud with big brother Bret carried the company in 1994, and Davey Boy as a former European, Intercontinental, Hardcore and Tag Team Champion whose match with brother-in-law Bret headlined SummerSlam 1992.

Resurrect Lemmy via hologram.

Hear me out: if there was ever a time to use one of those holograms for deceased singers, this is the time. WrestleMania 35 will likely be Triple H’s last match, and what better way to say thank you for an illustrious career than by having the late, great Lemmy Kilmister sing his entrance theme one more time. I don’t know if the rest of Motorhead would make the trip, but this would certainly be worth it.