AEW Revolution 2022 At The Movies
Is it over yet?
I watched AEW Revolution 2022 at a movie theater, turning back the clock to the days of closed-circuit television.
And I’ll never do it again.
Don’t worry, apes, it’s not AMC’s fault. Sure, the air conditioning could have been cranked up, as I was sweating by the time Tay Conti came out, but not for THAT reason. AMC should be commended for partnering with AEW to not only offer wrestling fans a pay-per-view at half price ($25), but also mirror the live event experience without us having to make the trek to the arena. The “Pakistani Playboy” Zazzy G invited me to the theater for two previous AEW PPVs, but prior obligations prevented me. This time, I was free, my brothers were interested, the card was stacked and there was a certain appeal to belting out “Wild Thing” with dozens of strangers in between mouthfuls of popcorn.
Unfortunately, the chorus was quiet. Can’t blame ‘em, as by the time Jon Moxley burst through the crowd, my fellow moviegoers and I had been sitting for four hours. These weren’t the reclining seats, either. Worst of all, there were still two more matches to go!
We didn’t leave the theater until midnight. That’s unacceptable for a Sunday night. Neither AEW nor any other pro wrestling promotion should be hosting five-hour events. That’s just too damn long in 2022. It’s the main reason why I’ve stopped attending WrestleMania, what used to be an annual “boys only” pilgrimage that often served as our only vacation of the year. But after three-and-a-half hours, it doesn’t matter who’s in the ring. The only sign I pop for is the exit.
It’s a shame because it was a fun experience for the first half of AEW Revolution 2022. The theater was packed with rabid wrestling fans, who seemed to be regulars at this kind of thing, and they reacted like a midnight premiere of a Marvel movie. One attendee draped an AEW flag over the guardrail, and another brought a championship belt to pass around. No, he didn’t defend it.
Everyone you’d expect to be popular was. HOOK, House of Black, Keith Lee, Orange Cassidy, etc. Even Erick Rowan was over. The theater crowd sang along wholeheartedly for Judas, but half-assed the superior Jungle Boy theme. That triple threat tag team match probably stole the show, but that’s simply because people were still wide awake by that point. My favorite match was actually Jade Cargill vs. Conti, which was short and oh, so sweet.
CM Punk vs. MJF drained the crowd. It was a bloody war, and Wardlow’s trick drew a huge pop, but the battle could’ve been 10 minutes shorter. That’s the issue with AEW PPVs – every match strives to be a half-hour, five-star, kick-out-of-everything main event. But pro wrestling thrives on variety. It needs characters of all shapes and sizes, fighting different styles for varying lengths of time. If everything is the same, nothing stands out – nothing matters.
It’s a disservice to Adam Page and Adam Cole, who on any other show, would have torn the house down. But after 11 matches preceded them, including a multi-man ladder match, a dog collar fight and a brawl all over the building, the house had already been demolished. The highlight of the night, and the only reason I’m glad I went, was the crowd exploding over William Regal’s surprise appearance. That was worth the price of admission.
If AEW could present another stacked card while keeping it to under four hours, I’d consider heading back. But a show like this left me with brain freeze, and it wasn’t from the ICEE.
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