The Plotholed Road To WrestleMania 37

WrestleMania 37 has unquestionably had the worst build to a WrestleMania, and I’ve sat through the turgid 2008-2012 era.

Considering this is the first WWE event to have a big crowd since the COVID-19 outbreak, you’d think Vince McMahon would be going all out to make it a major success. Instead, he’s compiled a two-night card that resembles a B-level pay-per-view.

That wouldn’t be so bad if the stories were logical and kept us tuning in for more, but sadly, they’re having the reverse effect. Edge’s epic fairytale return to the mountaintop has been scampered in favor of another go around with Daniel Bryan. Shane McMahon is bullying Braun Strowman for being stupid. Former WWE Champion The Miz is dressing up as a rabbit to get inside the head of Bad Bunny. The “All Mighty” Bobby Lashley is so dominant and scary that he’s put a bounty on Drew McIntyre’s head to ensure he doesn’t make it to WrestleMania 37. And the less said about the miserable job the company has done with the women’s division the better.

What women’s revolution?

It could have all been so different, but then WWE would have to put in effort. When Peacock, Fox and USA are throwing around billions of dollars while the company becomes an abject failure, why stop? Eventually, these entities will realize there is no mainstream future in professional wrestling because Vince McMahon got lazy and Tony Khan is just happy being less successful than TNA.

Is it so hard to insert realism into angles? Let’s look at Shane McMahon vs. Braun Strowman. Shane berates Strowman on a weekly basis for being stupid by showing a made-up 5th grade report card and pouring green slime over “The Monster.” They’ll now wrestle inside a cage, but who cares? Nobody, because WWE hasn’t given us a reason to.

That’s where realism should’ve come into it. They should’ve had Shane berate Strowman for being a waste of money for his father. Ridicule Braun for having all the potential in the world and doing nothing with it. Laughing at his moniker as “The Monster Among Men” by showing highlights of him constantly choking in big title matches. Give us facts that can’t be ignored. Then have Strowman absolutely obliterate Shane at WrestleMania 37.

As far as Lashley and McIntyre go, why the hell is Bobby now a coward? He’s meant to act like a killing machine, but now he’s paying off the locker room to take out his feared challenger? It doesn’t make sense. What would’ve made sense would have been to have had Lashley be super confident of decimating Drew at WrestleMania 37, but MVP be skeptical of the fact and, to protect his investment, offer a big reward to anyone who could remove McIntyre from the title picture.

Then we have Edge’s emotional comeback ruined by a nonsensical heel turn and the bizarre inclusion of Daniel Bryan. I still don’t get the reasoning behind this. Surely the story was already written? You have the perfect underdog story, ala Rocky Balboa against Ivan Drago from the fourth installment of the movie franchise, with Edge risking it all against the seemingly unbeatable Roman Reigns? But no, now it’s a triple threat where Edge is a bad guy, and will likely not leave WrestleMania 37 with the title, which was the whole point of his return. Nothing makes sense anymore, and nothing makes fans want to watch.

The Miz was WWE Champion just a few weeks ago, and now he’s dancing about in a rabbit costume to “promote” his WrestleMania 37 clash with Bad Bunny. Just atrocious. The reason Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather worked so well was because it felt real and different. This just makes me want to switch off. Celebrity involvement is fine when done right, otherwise it’s just painfully embarrassing. Why not have Miz steal and destroy Bad Bunny’s Grammy? At least give us some heat.

The women’s matches have been so poorly built up that it’s laughable. Sasha Banks against Bianca Belair should have been kicked into the next gear the moment Belair chose to come after Sasha’s title upon winning the Royal Rumble, thus turning “The Boss” heel. Meanwhile on Raw, Rhea Ripley debuts, asks for a title match and gets one. If everyone can do that, what’s the point of the Royal Rumble? Ripley now has the same opportunity as Belair, despite being a loser. Why didn’t Asuka issue an open challenge, Ripley answer it, completely destroy and defeat the champion in brutal fashion to set up the title shot at WrestleMania 37 with the story being that for once it was Asuka who wasn’t ready for her opponent?

Then we come to the biggest clanger of all, Randy Orton vs. The Fiend, which Alexa Bliss has been carrying for months. She’s done an incredible job of making lemonade out of lemons, but the story absolutely sucks. She can’t help that. Again, none of it makes sense. Every time Orton faces The Fiend, he defeats him. Randy even burned him alive in their last one-on-one encounter. But Alexa Bliss has a perfect record against “The Viper” in singles competition, and has repeatedly got inside his head, so what is the purpose of The Fiend returning to vanquish Orton?

Bliss is already doing it all by herself. What should’ve happened is this – after Wyatt was set on fire, have Bliss manipulate Orton for several weeks until he captures her and holds her hostage. Bliss could warn him that The Fiend is coming to save her. As Orton tries to focus back on his career, have vignettes and spooky happenings take place courtesy of The Fiend, who we would be dying to see return to kick Randy’s butt and save Alexa. They could even do a spin on the Beauty and Beast kiss at WrestleMania 37 to return The Fiend to his original origins.

This will be the first time in 20 years that I will not be watching WrestleMania. Nothing there interests me. No dream matches. No spectacular angles. No must-see event. It’s a watered-down WrestleMania that speaks volumes to the failings of professional wrestling as a whole. The curtain is coming down on the incredible entertainment art form, and it’s no one’s fault but the decision makers.