Joey Ace Shaves My Head, Attacks My Girlfriend
The worst night of my life.
My girlfriend is lying in bed, bruised and traumatized. I’ve got the heating pad on while typing this, unable to turn my head. Our puppy hasn’t stopped barking, wondering who’s this strange bald man sitting in daddy’s chair.
This is the worst Easter ever, all thanks to Joey Ace.
At ECWA Night of Unusual Matches, that scumbag retained the ECWA Heavyweight Championship in a Last Man Standing match. Of course, he had to cheat to defeat A Very Good Professional Wrestler, tying his challenger’s legs to the bottom of the ring so he couldn’t stand before the 10 count. It’s a shame that Ace has to resort to such dirty tactics, but he’s a lost cause, as evidenced by what happened next.
As per the agreed-upon stipulation, I entered the ring for the champion to shave my head. Seventeen inches of these luscious locks were about to disappear, to the delight of my girlfriend. The 60 some-odd fans inside The Jersey Dugout commended me on being a man of my word.
Unfortunately, Joey Ace isn’t a man of his.
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While running the razor through my hair, Ace clobbered me from behind. I heard the crowd gasp, but my vision was blurry and I couldn’t catch my breath. Next thing I know, I’m being dragged across the ring and handcuffed to the ropes. Ace then proceeded to stomp me until Mr. Ooh La La ran out to the rescue. The worst was over, or so we thought…
I was too dazed to understand what was happening at the time, but now that I’ve watched the footage, I’m a wreck. That chickenshit fled the ring when Ooh La La entered, only to grab my girlfriend out of the front row. With the razor still in his hand, Ace threatened to shave her head, too.
Disgusting. Julianna has absolutely nothing to do with this. She doesn’t even watch wrestling. She was only there to support me, helping sell The Wrestling Estate t-shirts. Hell, she even wanted Ace to win. She couldn’t wait to have the longest hair in the house again.
Thankfully, Ooh La La convinced Ace to let her go, but not before she fell and hit her chest on a chair. She’s banged up, but she’s still cute. I’ll never forgive Ace for laying his hands on my girl.
And I can’t believe he’s still the champion. A Very Good Professional Wrestler had his number, keeping the high flyer grounded and dissecting his leg. Yet, that slimeball had another ace up his sleeve, waking up this morning with the belt in his Easter basket.
Now we wait until May 1 for the 25th annual Super 8. The legendary Ooh La La, our hero and a staple of ECWA, gets the opportunity he’s waited so long for. He’ll challenge Ace for the gold, and by God, I hope he wins.
I have nothing left to gamble, but mark my words, Joey Ace won’t rise again.
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